I don’t know if it’s just my super bad luck or my choice of wrong employers that’s giving me this horrible work experience for almost a year now. I have held four jobs in last one year. It all started with the cashier’s position at Wal-Mart pharmacy. When I went for the interview I already had the Pharmacy technician certificate from PTCB. However; I didn’t know that one had to be registered with Texas State Board of Pharmacy to be able to work in Wal-Mart pharmacy in Texas. So they have asked me to start as cashier and register with TSBP to get the license. I was told that as soon as I get the license they will hire me as technician. As a matter of fact, the pharmacist I started to work with would always ask me how long it would take for me to get the license. It took me a little longer than usual time to get the license. By that time the store manager changed because the previous pharmacist was pregnant and she went on maternal leave. So after I received the license I asked the new pharmacist if she would hire me as technician now. Her answer was “oh no I don’t want anymore new technician right now. You can try other Wal-Mart.” I don’t know I was a bit upset. Anyway it was time for me to relocate to start college again. I called the Wal-Mart in the new place but no one was hiring. So I left the job with a bitter feeling. Then I started another job as office assistant. This job I don’t have much to complain since I don’t believe I worked my best. First of all it’s because I thought I would be working in an office instead I would be constantly pulled to work in the serving line of the buffet. I didn’t like that prospect of the job. Another problem was that I wasn’t given the promised hours. As soon as I was done with the assigned works I would be asked to finish the shift. This eventually led me to lots of financial problems. So I started to become bitter with this job too. So there would be times when I knew there wasn’t much to do at work I would call in sick and study instead. However; eventually they started to complain about my sick calls. We had a meeting and after that I tried to be regular at work. But this time I got sick for real. I called in sick and also gave them doctor’s note. Even after that they gave me a written notification saying that I am missing work too much. This kind of made me upset because on our previous meeting the supervisor told me that she would completely understand if it was something serious and obviously she didn’t. So I left the job by the end of the semester. I went home for the winter and found out that I am dismissed for the second time from school. As I talked about it before I decided to come back and try other options to go back to school again. So when I came back I started to look for a full-time job. Eventually I got one as mail room clerk. First month, it was great job experience. But starting second month they would ask me to do lot more than just what was in my job description. Now if it was only something in the mail room I wouldn’t mind. But they started to pulling me everywhere in the company. Whenever or whoever in the company needed assistance they would call me up. So I kind of became like a floater in the company. It was a lot of work and the pay wasn’t good. So I started to not like this job either. At that time CVS pharmacy called me for an interview. Since I have been trying o work in a pharmacy for a long time and also didn’t like the mail room job; I went ahead for the interview. Before the hiring I told them that I won’t be able to take the job if they can’t give me full-time hours. Interestingly they were okay with it. The guy who hired me told me “yah we can give you full-time hours.” Oh I should say that it was a floater position and I didn’t mind. I just wanted to work in a pharmacy. I needed the experience and I was okay to do a little extra work. The pay wasn’t good but I was okay with that too. I just needed the experience. However; it’s my second month and they already started to give me fewer hours every week. This past week I haven’t worked at all. Right now I am angry because I have to pay my bills and if it continues to be like this I am damned. So I started looking for another job. I talked to few other pharmacies. And hopefully I will be leaving this job too in about fifteen days. Now I really don’t’ know I am just taking everything too seriously or my employers are just fucked up people who doesn’t keep their words. But I have to say I am not happy. And this one other reason I really want to go back to school and get a degree. I hate living on this little over minimum wage jobs.
Today I am back to the old depressed mood. I was starting to believe that everything’s becoming normal and this is when everyone had to remind me nothing’s changed. It was day before yesterday; I was talking to one of my childhood friend. Since we grew up in the same town he knows my family very well. When I say family I mean everyone; my uncles, aunts, grandparents, and everyone else. At one point of our conversation we started talking about religion and I told him I no longer believe in just one particular God. He was surprised and his immediate reaction was, “does your uncle know?” I should mention that my uncle is a very active imam in our community. And our family has the reputation of being very active in religious matter. So from that point, no one seems to expect such behavior from me. In any case, our conversation ended with the agreement that we will not discuss this issue as he was very shocked to see such change in me. I probably wouldn’t think about this again if another of my childhood friend hadn’t asked me the same question again. When I gave a pretty similar reply to him too, he was also shocked. As if he had never imagined such change in me and he came to the conclusion that I have gone mad. I know by now you are wondering why I am talking to all these childhood friends altogether. Well, after almost 7 years I just suddenly came in contact with every one of these friends whom I once considered best people in my life. So yeah that is why I was talking to them so much. The joy of being able to contact with them was overwhelming. However, I forgot how people from past can bring back the memories you don’t want to remember anymore. So one after another, and eventually everyone was reminding me what kind of family I have come from and what it means in life. I almost started to forget all about it since I haven’t seen anyone for last 7 years. Yet, decisions in my life are bound to what kind of impact it might have on them. I have this nephew who is same age as me and we are very much in contact with each other compared to everyone else in the family. So after all these disappointing conversation with my friends, I called my nephew. I called him to ask what he thinks would happen if my families learn that I don’t believe in God anymore. He assured me at least one person will have a heart attack and requested me to do no such thing. He warned me it will bring a great shame to my family.So at the end, I have canceled my weekend plan to go home.I haven’t been home ever since I took off my hijab and this decision to go home was because I thought my parents were fine with my decision by now. I had this assumption that my family in Bangladesh has become more tolerant than my parents in USA. In reality, I was probably just hoping that it was the case. I tricked myself to believe that my parents are OK with my behavior. When they call me every day and ask me to go home, I wanted to believe they will be alright with everything. It’s my presence which is more important in their life, at least that’s what I thought. Now I am back to this same old feeling. I don’t think my parents will be OK if they hear I don’t believe in god anymore and I won’t be OK if they don’t accept my lifestyle. So at the end I am back to my old boring life of work and living alone. I am already starting to feel lonely and I really wonder how long before my sister’s words become the truth. May be living an honest life won’t make me as happy as I have imagined it would.