There’s not much going on in my life and this is probably why not many posts. Well, I have started school again with the University Extension, One classroom course and one online. The classroom English literature course seems relatively flexible and easier than the online sociology course. The online course just has way too many assignments. Hopefully I won’t fall behind. Speaking of truth, I am actually behind right now as I am still juggling between the idea of buying the books for this course and borrowing the old versions from library… As always I am short on money 😦 God knows when this misery will end!! Sometimes this financial problem strongly motivates me to get out of my plan and pursue something else…So far there were only two lectures for the classroom course and I actually liked it. Besides my classes there’s not much happening except my search for a job. Today I spent the whole day in preparation for one interview. You might wonder why whole day? Well, the thing is I don’t have a car. So I had to figure out the bus route for which I spent pretty much an hour and it was a complete failure. Then I called for a taxi, while I am on the taxi I realized that the place is just walking distance from my place. I don’t why in the world Google map was showing me such a complicated route. uggh…And the stupid driver ( I believe, knowingly) took the wrong route just to get extra money…I was so angry I can’t explain. When I am counting every penny to figure how I can buy a book, I had to pay so much money for my stupidity…Even after all these if I had the job I would be happy…In the interview process they asked me to take a test on excel…Ironic is that I took the exact test the day before yesterday and got 100% and today I got 70%!!!anyhow, I didn’t get the job:( I spent almost 3 hours doing paper works in the interview and finally nothing!! So my days are pretty full of these stories nowadays…waking up in the morning freshen up and then sit down to apply for more jobs. In between I eat sometimes and sometimes I forget…I get this same old sensation of not breathing, not being alive…and when it’s time I go to class and I like to listen to the professor…He gives me a break from my miserable life…Needless to say, even when I feel relieved to be in the lecture room, I feel guilty. I wonder why I didn’t work a bit harder before, may be then I wouldn’t be in this situation. Through all these struggles I am coming to a realization that, the second and third options are never easier. Life is much easier if you just work hard from the start.
So I am dismissed for the second time. this is probably the time when I should pack my stuffs and Head toward home. However, I am realizing that my brain started to work like a bad gambler ever since I received the dismissal notification…the more I am losing the more I want to play. That’s what my situation now. On my dismissal notification they have mentioned that I can try taking 6 hours of class through the university extension and try to get B on both. If I can manage that then I will be able apply for readmission for next fall semester. I never planned to leave this university not because I am a huge fan of this place but because I want to prove that I can handle the stress of being lost in a huge school along with all the other problems I am facing in my life. Apparently so far I am very unsuccessful. I wouldn’t say that the thought of giving up didn’t cross my mind but as i said just earlier. I have become a gambler with my life and future.With a second dismissal on my plate I should really transfer to a different school near home but I actually decided to come back and take the 6 hours through university extension. May be because I just don’t want to leave any “if” after I leave this place. I want to know I have exhausted every possible ways before I gave up. Oh! another thing, I am still dreaming of medical school. This whole situation sounds like a joke to me right now. I have also learned I can’t take Chemistry II and Genetics in the University because I have already taken them twice and failed to pass. That’s what makes me sound like an insane person.The fact that I am still hoping to somehow get into a medical school after such a disastrous failure. I am starting to believe that I am becoming a bit insane, just not sure if it’s bad or good. I guess time will tell. So my plan is to take English literature and Sociology through University extension. If I finally manage myself to become more active and get at least B in those two classes then I will take Chemistry and Genetics over the summer at a community college. After all these I am hoping the University will let me come back for next fall. Even though I am telling them now that I will do a sociology major, If I manage to do all the things I just said then I’ll stick with Biology. Why am I trying to do Biology so much? Well, it’s because I never disliked the science courses.I Just happened to have a bad study habit along with a bad timing in my life. So I do want to prove I can do a Science Major. Since my GPA is so low I figured I have to do double major in order to bring my GPA to a level where I can at least apply to medical school. Sociology was always under my consideration for a minor. So I might end up doing a minor or may be a major on this subject. So the plans are written out and it’s time to start working I guess…I wish you all a happy new year(it’s late) and lots of happiness.