So at last there’s something good happening:) since it was becoming impossible i had to apply for a loan. However,in order to get a loan i had to submit an appeal form for my finsncial aid. I never dreamt that the financial aid office in my school would even consider my no situation given my academic records. Good news is that they did consider my current circumstances and accepted my appeal! So all of my nightmare are about to end! This is more than had imagined and to tell you the truth i am hopeful again. I am just happy that in those hard days of my life i didn’t give up. So to all my readers,please don’t give up. If you know you are giving your best, believe that something good will happen very soon no matter how impossible it might seem right now.
So here I am probably at the end of all my strength(sigh). It’s been 3 weeks that the university has put a financial bar on me. So getting that co-signer for a private loan didn’t really help me. After applying for loan it took me three weeks to know that i need to complete additional papers. I didn’t recieve any emails from the university that they are waiting for me to complete these papers so they can go ahead and give the bank permission to release the loan amount. It’s been one week since i completed all the papers and they still haven’t processed anything. As a result I have a financial bar now! So what are the consequences I am facing for tht bar? Well I couldn’t register for next semester which didn’t bothered me as much as the fact that now i can’t check out any library books! Given my financial situation,i decided to not buy any books. Well i couldn’t afford to buy any. Even though it was hard i managed to spend 2-3 hours everyday in the library to use the reserved books for my courses. Since my laptop also decided to crash right when I am in the midddle of thousands of others problems, i was checking out university laptop every other day to go over the lecture presentations and finish other homeworks. Now that I have a bar,I am also banned from getting a laptop. Now how great a situation this is! I am left with no books,no lecture notes,and no time! These were already enough worries in my head that i was barely walking. My life just wasn’t happy with this many problems. So it decided to add one more. Last week my supervisor just reduced my hours to half!! Now how am I supposed to pay my bills and and rents when i was already sturggling with the hours i had? With so many problems now i can only give up on everything and go back home or fight. Though i am not sure how to fight anymore. It’s been almost one year i am struggling to fix all the mistakes i’ve made and now i am just tired. I just wish god(if he exists) have some mercy on me and give me sunshine…that reminds me of a song…
“Give me some sunshine,
Give me some rain,
Give me another chance,
I wanna grow up once again.”
This is about the time, I start feeling the heat of being adult with absolutely no help whatsoever. With a job that doesn’t even pay the amount i need to pay for rent, i am always in debt with somewhere or someone. Realizing that I wont be able to find a second job anytime soon I applied for a private loan(given the fact that I am ineligible for financial aid). When i finally managed a co-signer and got my loan approved, now my school is making the delay. The background check from the university is taking so long that my due date for last instalment passed 15 days ago. Now i have a financial bar for which i cant sign up for next semester courses:( I don’t know if i should be angry or what. At the same time my laptop decided to crash and now i am left with no notes for whole semester. Not only that now i have to borrow laptop and other books from university library since i can’t afford buying books or electronics at this time. Well i am not complaining that i have to go back n forth to the library everyday, i am complaining to the fact that now I can’t even do that as a result of the financial bar! Also as it is the end of the month i am worried about the electric bill,internet bill,rent, and credit card bills..even worse while i am thinking about money and job all day, i also have to study! Along with all these disastrous incidents i have a set of very curious parents who are constantly asking how the hell i am! Really! I don’t want to get angry at them since i know it’s all my fault. i brought all these hardship on me but how long can i keep this act on? I really want to scream at them that Just leave me alone for few months for God’s sake! Yet i can’t…when i tell my boyfriend about my situation he says welcome to the real life:) but am i ready to be in this real life when everyone expect one thing from me and i am struggling with something which no one knows..well except my readers:) i can’t wait to go back to the life where i am just a student and i get to pick up a book to read without thinking about job,debt,cooking,and all the other struggles many adult faces…